Remember Lot's Wife

My days are becoming so long. My friends are falling away and my bubble is ever so distorted. I am happy but behind every smile is throbbing pain. I feel so broken. My quest to make new friends isn’t going very well. I have found myself thinking back on how my life use to be. Is there really much of a difference between then and now? I believe there is a huge difference, but I don’t see much of a difference in myself. I am still me. I am the same person I was before. And I don’t know if this should scare me or not. The last couple of weeks I’ve been thinking quite a bit about Luke 17:32 “Remember Lot’s wife” The Lord told Lot and his family to "Escape for thy life," -- "look not behind thee... ;escape to the mountain, lest thou be consumed" (Genesis 19:17). We all know what happened. She looked back. Now I ask myself the questions.. Where are the desires of my heart? Do I have faith in the future? Do I have faith in Christ? Her attachment to the past outweighed her confidence in the future. God doesn't care nearly as much about where I have been as He does about where I am, and with His help, where I am willing to go. Faith is always pointed toward the future. I know this to be true! ..but do I really know it? My nightmares have returned. Night after night I’m being awoken every few hours to a new nightmare.. always the same people and always the same feelings. I know what I must do but how do I go about putting my past behind me. How do I grasp onto the Atonement and look forward with a steadfastness in Christ? My heart is so full of gratitude and love toward my Savior and Brother. I know I can do this with His help.