Early Sunday

So?.. Ive been having a really rough time and it just keeps getting worse and worse. I thought for a long while I was in this alone and as I mentioned in an earlier post, my faith in God has been the only thing keeping me going. I know I mention Bill quite a bit but he really has the tendency to see right through me even tho he doesnt think he can.. but if only he knew. Hes the only one who’s found the key to my bubble and yes, sometimes it scares me but most of the time im grateful for the company. A couple of days ago he was my crying shoulder for the idunno time and as I thought my world was falling apart Bill kept encouraging me to keep a hold of the pieces and reassuring me he knew I was going to be ok even tho I kept repeating to myself I wasn’t. It was quite a day and I feel horrible Bill had to see me like that. It wasn’t even close to being the first ive done that to Bill but just knowing it wont be the last time makes me sick. On the upside.. the last couple of days have been filled with so many caring people. I didn’t realize how many of my friends really do worry about me. A quick errand to see Heather I could see the concern in her eyes as she knew I wasn’t myself.. Hyrum offered a listening ear a couple of nights ago and even tho I turned him down, cause I really needed sleep, I felt so loved.. Spending a day with Stephanie gave me the break I really needed. and Shannon?.. Shannon surprised me with a cute card yesterday just as I was leaving..

It read: Ember, I want thank you for being such an amazing, dependable friend all these years. I don’t think Ive ever had a friend that I can count on as much as I can count on you. I know you are always there to listen to me when I feel like I have no one to turn to. We have so many good memories together – band trips, college, basically everything. I want you to know that you are precious to me. I love you! You R amazing! Love, Shannon

tho small and simple.. it gave me some purpose. I really do love Shannon. And I cant forget Melanie.. I know you worry so much. Just remember Melanie, I Love you!.. You’re family and it gives me all the joy in the world to know I get to spend eternity with you. Give me time.. you know im not a fan of the word ‘time’ but?.. that’s exactly what I need.

Smile.. im still Ember, burning as bright as ever. :o)