Slipping

The Spirit has always been so good to me.. always there. And even when I turn my back on God the Spirit has always been there to remind me to look and Ill find Christ. Now I lay bawling in my room I can feel the Spirit just hanging on with all of his might. He’s slipping from my grasp... for 6 months he has been hanging on and I don’t know how much longer Ill have him for a support. Have you ever felt like you’ve lost? And no matter how much you try you just can’t pick your feet up off the ground? I’ve been looking forward to Conference for months... just hoping ill be lifted up and maybe somehow get the strength to move forward. I’ve had a pretty horrible couple of days and now that Conference is a week and half away? I just want to ball up in my bubble and not come out. It’s a tradition thats slipping... for the last 5 to 6 Conferences ive surrounded myself with friends who are much better than I am... much stronger. Though in the past they’ve always given me strength... for some reason i feel like this Conference im going to walk into a room full of people and find myself all alone... Whatever happened to true friends? What happened to friends that wouldn’t talk bad about you behind your back? What happened to friends who would drop everything to help you out when you were in need? What happened to the crying shoulders? What happened to friends who were so full of love that they would over look your annoyances and see a child of God. Its been a little over a year since I was first taught by example what a true friend is and Ive been trying so hard since to be that person.. and even now im the furtherest from perfect anyone could possibly be and I feel like im the worst example of a friend. I cant do this alone.. I just cant. Im being way over dramatic about all of this.. and hate drama. If there is anyone at all out there that knows and cares for me.. they know that all I really want is to have a purpose and be loved. Hopefully ill feel better by the time Conference gets here.. maybe its just because im sick and have been throwing up and coughing a storm the last couple days. I just don’t know..

PS. About the semi truck.. The guys insurance didn’t cover any of the damages on my car. The stupid truck driver got away with his pathetic lies. After lying to the police he made up some brand new lies to tell the insurance company. Because of our conflicting statements the insurance company ended up pulling the police report and since the officer didn’t put any blame in the report the insurance company has “no obligations” to put their customer at any blame at all. So basically.. according to the insurance company, the accident was entirely my fault. Im so not happy about it and there goes $1,600 for the repairs on my car. Ive gotten so close to calling the truck driver up and just chewing him out.. but?.. I know its not the right thing to do so ive held my tongue.. Obviously im not very happy and its added so much stress on top of everything else but.. im just goin to have to deal with it.